I have been kind of quiet and keeping to myself lately...and doing lots of thinking. It started over the weekend when it was mostly me and the boys....I don't do well with being alone...AT ALL!! Yeah I had the boys and my niece to keep me busy but for some reason when I am alone with them then I do lots of thinking and start feeling lonely. It is really hard to explain. Some of it comes from not being able to talk to my Mom daily, I just have not been able to fill that emptiness yet. Just knowing that I have not been able to get over talking to her everyday and it is going on 3 years, bothers me in itself.
So see the snowball effect here...so with all this thinking I have decided to maybe put myself a little more first. Of course noone will come before my boys and Hubby but after that....like maybe go for a walk before stressing about the dirty dishes in the sink or laundry that needs folded. Part of what bothers me is that I would like to be more active in losing weight and taking time to do things that I enjoy. I have decided to take some advice from other parents in things such as once the kiddos are in bed to not do anymore housework and just relax, do blogging, put music on my ipod...whatever sounds fun at that time! That along with making the time to go walking in the evening or mornings should really help me to feel better overall.
I have really been thinking alot about Mom, trying to find a way to have happy memories without my heart feeling heavy. I am thinking maybe I will put together a post of happy or special memories that I have of Mom. That may help me to just have to focus on that for awhile. But for now I am going to look into making the evenings work so that I can go walking and have time to do fun things once Logan is asleep.